Grandma Pennock's Deviled Easter Eggs

I know the best cook on Earth- I'm not even lying.

It's my Grandma. Grandma is 91 now, so she doesn't get in the kitchen much anymore, but back in the day, she would have kicked the crap out of any of those celebrity chefs. She made really good food. Period. I have about a gazillion recipes of hers, that are never as good when I try them, but heck. I've got 54 years of catching up to do. I'll get there one of these days. The beauty of this recipe is that it is simple, honest food, with a cute little twist to dress it up. And really, it is very simple.

Notice I said simple, not easy. Replicating the perfect flavor of Grandma's food is never easy. But, you can give it a try if you are feeling game.

Deviled Easter Eggs are just deviled eggs, with a little food coloring. See- I said it was simple.

Before you begin making these, I just have one question for you- have you ever seen the movie The Matrix? You know the part where Morpheus is teaching Neo to control the Matrix? Well, making good deviled eggs is a lot like that. You have to see the Matrix to control the Matrix. Until you do that, you won't be able to fully utilize your potential. A lot of cooking is that way, I have found. You can't just follow a recipe- you need to be able to intuitively tweak the recipe as the situation dictates.

You'll need:
10 large eggs. Why 10 and not 12? Well, I have to sacrifice the remaining two to my resident Boiled Egg Fiends. If you don't have any of those, cook as many eggs as you want. Adjust other ingredients accordingly.

Real Mayonnaise- between 1 to 2 tablespoons. I like Hellmann's (Best Foods on the west coast). Don't use Miracle Whip. Don't even think about it.

Yellow Mustard- between 1 to 2 teaspoons.

Vinegar (white or apple cider) 1to11/2 teaspoons for egg filling, about a tablespoon per jar for coloring.

Sugar- 1 1/2 to 2 teaspoons

Salt and pepper- to taste

Paprika- for garnish

Liquid food color

Boil your eggs. I'm not even going to get into that with you. I've seen about a million different opinions on the best way to do this. Boil em' however you wish. I just throw them into a pan, cover them with water, and let them go for a few minutes. But that's me.

Rinse and peel your eggs. I've heard older eggs peel better. I use what I've got on hand.

Slice your eggs in half lengthwise, and eject the yolks into a small bowl. Set whites aside.

Mash your yolks using a fork until they are broken up. Add your vinegar. Start with the lowest amount, and work up later if you feel you need more.

Next, add the mayonnaise  Again, start with the least amount, and work up. sometimes yolks are drier than others. You want the filling to be creamy, but not greasy.

Now, on to the mustard. This and the vinegar give the filling its bite. You decide how bite-y you want it.

Finally, sprinkle in the sugar, salt, and pepper. Just a dash of pepper, to keep it real. Balance the salt and sugar off each other. You want the sugar to counteract the bite a little, and the salt to give it all savor and depth. Play with this. Taste often. You'll know when you see the matrix.

Cover the filling, and set aside in the fridge. Take your whites, and divide among the colors you wish to use. Use glasses, mason jars, old Chinese egg drop soup takeout containers, etc. for your dye vats. Don't use anything precious or porous- that stuff stains! Splash a tablespoon of vinegar in the vat, and then fill about 2/3 of the way with water. Drop 2-4 drops of food color into the water/vinegar, and mix to distribute. Put your whites into the dye vats, and cover with lids or wrap. Want deep, primary-hued eggs? Add max. dye, and leave them in the dye overnight in the fridge. Want more pastel colors? Fewer drops, shorter dye times. To get the colors in the picture above, I used about three drops, and died the eggs for about an hour in the fridge.

When you are done dying, drain and rinse the whites thoroughly. Assemble your eggs, filling each white with a dollop of yolk filling. Sprinkle a dash of Paprika on each yolk, and voila!

Easter egg goodness, Grandma style.